Although there has been a huge groundswell in this country to address domestic violence, it is still a significant problem. Perpetrators of domestic violence come from all walks of life from the very wealthy, educated and famous to those with high school diplomas living at poverty level. In fact, today NBC Sports reported that Keyshawn Johnson, the former NY Jets wide receiver and current ESPN analyst, was arrested early this morning for misdemeanor domestic battery after grabbing his ex-girlfriends cell phone and injuring her hand. Other high profile individuals accused of domestic abuse over the years include Ike Turner, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Chris Brown, and Daryl Strawberry.
It can happen to anyone, both male and female, young and old, so it’s important for everyone to be aware of. Some famous victims include Tina Turner, Mariah Carey, Madonna, and even President Bill Clinton. If you, your teenager or grandmother is in a relationship in which an intimate partner is physically or mentally controlling, it’s time to get help. Studies show that often victims don’t leave the relationship because the offender promises “it will never happen again” or they hope things will change. Actually, it’s not a completely unsolvable problem, but the perpetrator has to be at a point where he or she is ready to take responsibility for their actions and learn new skills to make a change.
In many domestic abuse situations, the offender has come from a long history of family violence. Parents or grandparents have role modeled this behavior as acceptable and through the child’s development into adulthood this is all they’ve known. In fact, a person’s close social circle of family members, friends, and neighborhoods has the greatest influence on the risk factors for this type of behavior.
The solution is to break the cycle of abuse by using prevention strategies taught in such places as anger management classes, supportive peer mentoring programs, church groups or during individual therapy. Online Batterers Intervention Classes are also available for people who like to learn at their own pace and on their own. These type of programs can be taken in the privacy of one’s home so it doesn’t have become a public issue, the individual doesn’t have to miss any work, and doesn’t have to drive to another county to find a decent class.
If you are not quite sure if you would fall under this definition, ask yourself some of these questions. Would you treat your friends, boss or mother the same way you’ve been treating your spouse? Have you had trouble keeping long-term relationships due to your controlling or abusive behavior? Would you want another man or woman treating your teenager the way you treat your spouse? Has your partner expressed unhappiness because you are being unreasonable? Take a look at your answers. If you recognize your unhealthy behavior, you can address the abuse by understanding your triggers, taking a look at your drug and alcohol intake, improving your level of empathy and learning new anger and stress management skills.
