Spousal abuse is surprisingly common. It affects people of all religions, nationalities, ages, education levels and financial statuses. The majority of abusers are men, but it can happen the other way around and in same sex relationships as well. Why do people stay in these relationships? There are numerous reasons like:
· The victim thinks that he or she is responsible for the abusers behavior because of something he or she did.
· They have a family, home and long history together and the victim can’t bring herself/himself to break that up.
· The victim is financially dependent on the abuser and can’t afford to leave.
· The victim is afraid to leave because of fear of violent reprisal.
· The victim has lost the ability to voice his/her own opinions about things.
· The victim “loves” the abuser and hope that things will eventually change.
Domestic violence doesn’t just mean that the victim is getting physically abused. In many cases, the reason why the victim doesn’t leave is because they have such low self-esteem and confidence after years of emotional abuse. In many situations, the victim has become so used to the degradation and humiliation that they start to question their own sanity. The problem is that unless the abuser comes to the realization that his behavior is inappropriate and wants to change, the cycle never ends.
If you recognize yourself as an abuser and are ready to get help, research shows that domestic violence can be prevented and stopped. In most cases, the behavior is something that was learned in childhood by individuals who grew up in violent households, and can be unlearned with the proper training. People can break the pattern of utilizing aggression for control by learning various techniques to alter the behavior. First and most important is to figure out what triggers the angry emotions. This takes some introspection and time to review past history. Then aggressors learn new anger and stress management techniques so they can get their rage under control without bringing someone else down.
One of the keys to ending abusive behavior is to learn compassion and empathy. Often individuals who are considered abusers lack the ability to understand how their victim feels. They make themselves feel better by debilitating the loved one because it makes them feel stronger or powerful. However, gaining the ability to sense what the other person is feeling is an important step to breaking the cycle. Instead of telling someone else that they are loser because they couldn’t get the house cleaned up, the perpetrator learns to look at things in a different light. For example, the house isn’t messy because the victim is lazy. Instead of assuming the worst, learning compassion helps the person realize that maybe their wife/girlfriend had something more important to get done that day.
With the year to coming to an end, don’t take for granted that your inappropriate behavior will continue to go unnoticed or accepted. Hold on to the intimate relationships you have by taking the time to learn new behavior management skills today.
