Our daily life is full of stress related to work, family, money, health, friendships and just keeping up with our busy schedules. Everyone experiences stress and anger over the way others behave or obstacles we run into, but everyone responds to it differently.
In most dv cases, individuals become overly possessive and create an abusive relationship because they need the feeling of having power and control over something in their life. There are several reasons for this to occur. One is that the person had a tough childhood. This was how they observed their parents behaving and was how they were brought up. Constantly fighting, throwing things and even physical abuse was the norm. Growing up in this atmosphere can contribute to insecurity and low self-esteem. In adulthood, these individuals find that one sure way to gain attention and control over things is to perpetuate this behavior. Initially, they might come across as loving and caring, but as the relationship develops over months or years, the person seeks to dominate the relationship through physical or mental abuse, isolation, stalking and monitoring the other person’s life.
The scary part is that getting involved in this type of relationship can start young. A recent study published in the Annals of Emergency Medicine reports that after surveying about 4,000 teens aged 14 to 20 who came into a suburban ER department, 1 out of 5 girls and 1 out of 8 boys reported they had experienced dating violence over the past year. This is particularly dangerous not only for safety reasons, but because teens tend to normalize the behavior. Teens that experience abusive behavior usually keep it quiet because they don’t want to get anyone in trouble, they don’t want to draw attention to the situation, or they just blame themselves and explain it away that this is how it should be.
There are some specific warning signs to look for in your own or a friend’s abusive relationship:
1. Does the intimate partner get easily jealous and possessive?
2. Do you or your friend feel sad, insecure or afraid when in the presence of the intimate partner?
3. Does the partner mandate what to do, how to act and how to dress or look?
4. Does the person have a history of fighting, uncontrolled angry outbursts, or mistreating others?
5. Is the partner constantly checking up on you via texting, phone calls or by showing up wherever you are?
6. Does the intimate partner insult you in front of others or threaten you if you don’t shape up?
7. Does the person blame you for their negative, obnoxious and inappropriate behavior saying that you provoked the response?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s time to get help, educate yourself and get others involved. Know that you are not alone and seek support from friends and family. If it’s your friend, let them know that you are aware of what’s going on and it’s not their fault. Reassure them that you love them and come up with a list of reasonable ways to support them. Listen to your fears and create a safety plan including extra money to access and places to go in case of emergency.
