Domestic violence doesn’t just occur between married couples. It’s the behavior in an intimate relationship when there is a pattern of one partner using power to control another. Sadly, statistics show that about 1/3 of American women will experience this abuse during their lifetime in either a dating or marriage situation. Anyone can experience an unhealthy relationship, regardless of age, gender, economic status or ethnicity. However, girls between the ages of 16-24 tend to experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence. You can recognize if you are the perpetrator of dating violence or a victim of it, if you have committed or been on the receiving end of behavior like:
- Physical violence: hitting, slapping, kicking, shaking, choking or throwing
- Sexual violence: forced sexual activity, pressure to have sex, or verbal threats of violence if you don’t do what he/she wants
- Emotional abuse: intimidation, humiliation, spreading rumors, name calling or bullying, jealousy, possessiveness, false accusations, stalking, monitoring email and/or texts and isolation
People who abuse their girlfriends or boyfriends generally due so because they believe that they are right and know what’s best. The person might want to look “popular” by showing off how he/she controls the relationship. Abusive behavior usually begins between the ages of 12 – 18 and is often either learned by role models at home, from friends or from the culture around them. Many abusers don’t see that they are doing anything wrong, until it is too late.
Teens who end up in abusive relationships explain that they never realized that this could happen to them, didn’t understand what to expect from a healthy relationship or didn’t know how to get out of the situation. Of course, the relationship didn’t begin with intimidation, but with love and affection. They just didn’t see the change coming. It’s therefore important to educate our kids before they start dating about what to look for in a sound and safe partnership. Some basics include:
- You are open and honest with each other
- Your boyfriend/girlfriend respects who you are and isn’t trying to change you
- Your partner gives you the freedom you need and expect
- You and your partner are supportive and encourage each other to reach your goals
The abused partner should never feel like he/she has to stay in the relationship. If scared or unhappy, or feeling trapped, seek help. If your intimate partner doesn’t treat you well now, it’s not going to get better and can escalate to physical violence. For those looking to get out of an unsafe relationship, start with avoiding isolation. Develop your support network and talk to others so you have somewhere to turn. Focus on taking care of yourself whether this means finishing up school or getting a better job so you can support yourself. Find a safe place to live once you have committed to the break up. If you are still living at home, tell your parents about any fear of reprisal you might have. Most importantly, contact the authorities if you seriously fear for your safety.
