Domestic abuse is a learned behavior and can be unlearned with the proper training and education. Most abusers grow up in households or around role models that perpetuate this behavior. It becomes an ingrained way of behaving to get control over someone or vent anger, which the individual often carries with him or her into adulthood. Everyone from every race, culture, economic status and even education level can be susceptible to following this negative path. The abuser might be the college professor down the street just as well as the plumber. In fact, veteran actor Michael Jace who has appeared in Planet of the Apes, Forrest Gump and most recently The Shield on FX, was arrested last night for shooting and killing his wife of 11 years in their home with their children present. The sad statistics show that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to 15 – 44 year old women in the U.S.
In 2011, the following states had the highest rates of female homicide:
1. South Carolina
2. Alaska
3. Oklahoma
4. Delaware
5. Arizona
6. Tennessee
7. Idaho
8. West Virginia
9. Louisiana
10. New Mexico
Women don’t decide that this is the life they want. Often times the abuser starts out to be charming and attentive. The offender often portrays himself as a loving and caring spouse to outsiders. Michael Jace’s neighbors report that they never heard any arguments or saw any violence coming from his house and that they seemed like a happy couple. Things begin to break down over time, as the abuser becomes more and more intent on total control.
There is generally a pattern in the behavior of an intimate partner who eventually kills. The male becomes physically violent and blames the victim for his reaction. The female stands up to him or tries to resist and he gets even more abusive. The female then attempts to end the relationship, tell others about him or tries to get away. He is left feeling humiliated and furious and ends up punishing her by killing her.
Number 5 on the 2011 list above, at least 139 individuals lost their lives due to domestic violence fatalities in Arizona in 2012. The majority, 83%, of these victims in 2012 died due to gunshot wounds. Tragically, according to the Arizona Department of Health Services, one or more children witness domestic violence every 44 minutes. Both of Michal Jace’s children were home when he killed their mother.
In the heat of the moment, domestic violence offenders do irreversible and horrible things because they are frustrated and upset. After the fact, they are often left ashamed and humiliated and beg forgiveness. Many times, the partner hopes that things will truly change and stays in the relationship. Unfortunately, without help through domestic violence therapy and education, the cycle continues. Things may remain calm for a period of time, weeks even months. However, without learning new tools to correct the behavior, it will eventually surface again. If you are an offender or know someone who is, get help before it’s too late. Michael Jace has lost his wife, his children and his life as he knows it. Don’t let this happen to you.
