Domestic abuse is a behavior that affects every member of the household. It creates an environment in which kids live in stress and fear. Similar to children who go through the divorce of their parents, they often wonder if it’s something they are doing to cause the anger. Children in these households often try to be the mediator in order to please, but when that doesn’t work because of the uncontrolled violence, they hide in fear. In fact, domestic violence is the number one reason that children in the U.S. run away from home.
Statistics show that between 3 and 4 million children are witnesses to domestic violence in the U.S. each year. 95% of these situations involve women abused by their male boyfriends or husbands. These mothers generally stay in the environment because they are either too scared of the repercussions if they try to leave, feel like they have no place to turn, they are ashamed to bring the issue to the forefront or they just can’t afford to. Instead of trying to get help, many times they cover up for their husband’s behavior by making up excuses for bruises, or for strange stalkerish or isolating behaviors. In one survey of of 6,000 families, 50% of the men who abused their wives also abused their kids. And, it’s also important to realize that this isn’t only happening in poor or uneducated families, but is also found in upscale, wealthy, highly educated families. Unfortunately children who are exposed to this type of upbringing are highly likely to experience a number of difficulties in both the short and long terms.
In the short-term, the children might exhibit:
- Aggressive or bullying behavior
- Anxiety and depression
- Disobedience
- Acting out or isolating themselves
- Nightmares and bedwetting
- Low self-esteem
- Difficulties in school due to poor problem solving and judgment skills and shorter attention spans
- Juvenile delinquency
- Lack of trust towards adults
- Bruises or broken bones from trying to protect a parent or sibling
Other physical signs that a child might be abused or observing abuse is if they complain of insomnia or exhaustion, headaches, stomachaches ongoing diarrhea, or appear to be nervous and highly stressed.
In the long term research shows that males that grow up in homes observing their male caregivers abusing their mothers, are more likely to display this behavior as adults. It’s all they know and think it’s an appropriate way to resolve issues. Women who grow up in these situations are more likely to be victims. Both sexes have higher incidences of alcohol and/or drug abuse, adult criminality, self-abuse and problems in building strong relationships.
There is really no hope for a break in the cycle unless the victims have the support and strength to get out. Or, the abusers are ready to own their behavior and make a change through educational intervention programs and/or psychotherapy. In any case, adults can help children in these situations by alerting authorities and stepping in to provide love, stability and security. If you are a close friend or relative and don’t feel comfortable getting involved, you can also start with an anonymous phone call to the child’s school administration. While you may not be able to stop the abuse in the home, you can provide a safe haven so the child knows he or she can come to you with problems. Giving children in these situations a place to stay when they feel unsafe, or participating in their after-school activities can give them the encouragement and support they so desperately need to improve their self-esteem and hope for a better future.
