DVclass.com has now translated all of their online domestic violence classes and batterer intervention classes into Spanish.  We have had many requests over the years to provide the DV classes in Spanish, as the rate of domestic violence among Spanish speaking individuals has remained consistent while our programs have been in place.  Spanish classes will be available at all lengths, from 8, 10, 12, 16, 26, 36, and 52 hour programs.  The course curriculum will remain the same as well as the format of the classes.

These programs are particularly ideal for attorney, probation or courts who are having a difficult time finding Spanish speaking domestic violence classes in their area and are open to an alternative way of taking classes for this client population.  

Click this link register for any of our DV classes in Spanish online

It has been 20 years since the initial passage of the Violence Against Women Act and research indicates that there has been about a 64% reduction in domestic violence among adult women. The truth is that when there are consequences for bad behavior, individuals do think twice about it. Furthermore, the country’s first Domestic Violence Hotline set up at that time has helped approximately 3.4 million people to overcome this abuse and could help more if it had more funding. This is major progress, but with this week’s news about Ray Rice, it is apparent that it’s still a very significant issue. In fact as a result of all the publicity, the National DV Hotline received an 84% increase in phone calls just in the two days after the video was released to national networks. If you haven’t managed to see the footage that has been replayed endlessly on national television, it’s live video feed of him punching his wife and knocking her unconscious in a public elevator.

So this public display of violence is a reminder to us all of why congress passed this Act and the fact there are many more situations like this that still go on behind closed doors every day. The only positive thing to come from this is that it has relit the conversation and has encouraged many people to ask for help. In our own family, my children have unwittingly been exposed to the footage while watching sporting events on television and have been shocked, questioning why anyone would treat another person this way. It’s unfortunately given us the opportunity to explain what domestic abuse is and what the flags are to look for in people that are potential offenders. I’m sure it’s also made many abusers think twice because its more apparent than ever that there are video surveillance cameras in most public places, most people have the ability to quickly pick up a scene on their phones and with social media sites, it’s impossible to keep this kind of thing quiet.

Ray Rice will have many hurdles to face for his unacceptable behavior. Although his wife is standing by him, the NFL isn’t. He lost his career and his financial stability. He is now expected to participate in a yearlong intervention program to learn to change his ways and hopefully come out a better person. The purpose of sending him to a batterers intervention program is because the violence is preventable. Many offenders grow up witnessing this behavior in their own homes and don’t know anything different. Parents, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles or others in their community modeled it and they think it’s the way to gain control in an intimate relationship. It’s learned throughout their youth and can be unlearned in adulthood by understanding the tools to utilize to create healthy relationships. A good course or 1/1 therapy will teach him how to recognize his anger triggers, how to improve his communication and listening skills, and anger and stress management skills. The plan is to develop a new pattern of behavior for sustained change and stop the cycle of violence.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the U.S. ages 15 – 44 years old. It’s a sad and frustrating statistic that unfortunately continues to permeate our society. Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate and you might even be shocked by who is perpetrating it. It’s not necessarily the big guy covered in tattoos who is in and out of jail. It happens in white collar, affluent neighborhoods in families where you might think “he’s such a nice guy!” It infiltrates all religions and cultures and it could just as well happen in your first teenage relationship as one later in life. Education, success and accolades don’t make it go away. We see it all across the board and very often amongst high paid sports heroes.

It’s prevalence amongst athletes recently caused NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to create stronger sanctions in the hopes that players will think twice before attacking their victims. He just rewrote the dv portion of the personal conduct policy to include harsher punishments like a six game suspension for first time offenders and banishment for life for second time offenders with the right to appeal for reinstatement after a year. However, without the proper therapy and education, it’s difficult for individuals to change their ways, even with the knowledge of the heightened rules looming over them. Just this last weekend, Ray McDonald was arrested on suspicion of felony domestic violence charges involving his pregnant fiancée.

Some of the behaviors that indicate there might be potential for you to become a batterer or that you have crossed the line include:

1. Controlling behavior. You have taken on the role of the “father figure” concerned that the victim doesn’t have good decision making skills. It may start out innocent enough but in some cases progress to monitoring their whereabouts, who they are with, reading emails and texts, assuming control of finances and making all the final decisions on everything. In some cases the abuser demands engagement, moving in together, and/or marriage quickly in the relationship to block any other potential suitors.

2. Jealousy. You feel the need to find out whom she is talking to, question whom she is spending her time with when not with you and even accuse of her flirting with other men. You begin to stalk her by dropping in unexpectedly at her place of business or apartment after work. You might even go to great lengths to record her car mileage or ask friends what they see her doing. In some cases, this behavior becomes so extreme that the victim’s independence is taken away and is told she can’t work and must instead stay at home to care for the abusers (your) needs.

3. Blaming others for your insecurities. You are easily ashamed or insulted and don’t take ownership for your own emotions but instead accuse others of controlling how you feel. You blame the victim for not doing everything to make you happy. You say things like “I need you and can’t live without you” to manipulate the victim into feeling like they can’t ever break up the relationship.

4. Verbal Abuse. You have increasingly saying things that are derogatory, cruel or hurtful to the victim. It may have started behind closed doors but you’ve lost control and it’s happening in front of friends and family too.

Batters intervention education and training is the key to getting this abusive behavior under control. It is challenging and will take time but is the most effective way to teach new skills to overcome these negative behaviors. It’s available in group sessions, 1/1 with a licensed therapist and in online, private programs.

It’s easy to take a look at another person’s relationship and think, “If I were in that abusive situation, I’d get the heck out!” You would never stand for being mentally tortured, physically abused, stalked or controlled in any way. However, it’s not always easy to get out from under the mess. In many domestic violence scenarios, the victim wants to escape but can’t because of financial difficulty, physical ailments, or children involved. Unfortunately, intimate partner abuse is a huge problem in this country. According to a 2010 CDC survey, more than 1 in 3 American women have experienced rape, stalking, or physical violence during their life.

So why stay? The number one reason is that the victim fears reprisal if she leaves. The abusive partner has made death threats, or said he will take the kids away forever, or spread bad rumors or financially destroy the victim. Many women who are abused don’t have jobs or even access to the bank accounts, so they are financially dependent on the abuser. Many have children and don’t want to lose custody or take them away from their home, their schools or their friends. Or, sometimes the victims lose the support of friends and family who have tried for years to rescue the situation. What was once a support network has retreated in frustration and the victim is left feeling hopeless with nowhere to turn.

Last week I spoke with a client who had questions about our online classes and then purchased our 8-hour domestic violence program at dvclass.com in the hopes that her husband would take some time at home to learn how to change his behavior. She explained that it’s been 11 years of “good days and bad days”. He grew up in an abusive household and when she married him, he swore he’d never act like his own father did. Unfortunately, over the years she’s sat by as he’s become increasingly abusive towards her. On the bad days, she’s been close to death. In her case, she feels stuck in the relationship because she has 2 children and a number of health ailments. She gets edema in her legs, a defibrillator has been implanted to keep her heart beating on track and she takes meds for anxiety. If she mentions leaving him, he has not only threatened to take the kids away from her but stop paying for health insurance. She has gotten in the car and driven away many times, but always ends up coming back because she has nowhere to go. The police have been involved in their disputes numerous times and he’s even been to jail. She explained that she doesn’t know where this will end, but doesn’t have the financial freedom to get out.

This week she called back to let me know that he actually agreed to sit down with her over the weekend and spend time to go through the class. She couldn’t believe how involved he got and it spurred a lot of conversation. He told her he truly never saw himself as a threat but instead thought she was always being overly dramatic for attention. Now that he he's heard it from a professional, he sees how his behavior fits the description of a controlling abusive personality. She was thankful to us for providing this service online because she knows she would never have been able to get him off the couch and into a classroom. He says he will take his newfound knowledge and work on improving himself. She now sees hope in the future of her family.

The Lethality Assessment Program (LAP) is a strategy to help first responders identify victims of domestic violence who are at serious risk of being hurt or killed by their intimate partners. Police officers, health care providers, clergy and court employees can utilize the 11-question survey immediately to evaluate potential danger. The first 3 questions tend to be the most telling. They include:

1. Has he threatened to kill you?

2. Do you think he might kill you?

3. Does he have access to a gun?

Other serious indicators are if the offender is unemployed and if he’s ever tried or threatened to commit suicide.

In the past, cases have been documented in which police officers arrived at a potentially dangerous scene, have asked a couple questions of the offender and then determined there wasn’t enough evidence to move forward. This often left victims behind to potentially endure further abuse or even death. This puts into place an official program that requires officers to separate the parties involved and ask the victim to reply to the survey of questions. Of course, the victim can decline to participate, but it throws them a lifeline to get out if they feel endangered.

If the answer to a few of these questions is yes, then the first responder proceeds to place a phone call to the local domestic violence hotline to get advice about how to proceed in the area. The victim then has immediate access to speak over the phone with a trained domestic violence representative. Together the responder, the hotline advocate and the victim can quickly come up with a game plan for immediate safety.

Domestic violence is a serious situation across the nation. In 2012, the city of Pittsburgh, PA alone, reported a total of 12,438 dv calls. Studies show that many victims of domestic violence are afraid to get in touch with local shelters or other services because they fear reprisal from the abuser, feel like they can’t afford to get out from under the negative situation or are ashamed. This program helps them overcome this initial hurtle by providing support on the spot to lifesaving services. In Maryland, where the program originated, they saw a 34% reduction in homicides over a 5-year period after it was instituted.

The success of the program has contributed to it’s roll-out in 31 other states including Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, New York, Minnesota, the Carolinas, Pennsylvania, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, the Dakotas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Florida, Delaware, Kentucky, Michigan, Missouri, Georgia, Indiana, Texas, Alabama, New Hampshire, Oregon, Nevada and Vermont.

If you are involved in a dv situation, report it and the offender is charged, you can expect the following legal repercussions to be put into place for your safety:

1. A restraining order against the offender.

2. Incarceration

3. Mandatory Anger Management counseling or Batterers Intervention Program. The offender must pay for generally between 8 – 52 sessions depending on the state it happens in, and severity of conviction.

4. Community service.

5. Significant fines. In California they can get as high as $6,000 for a first conviction.

6. Deportation if not a U.S. citizen.

7. Conviction goes on your permanent record for anyone to see if they do a background check.

8. Potential loss of parental rights.